


Shopping Shenanigans

by followmetoyourdoom



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: No angst here, also set in the uk bc why fucking not, don't let sans and pap loose in tescos, for once, i had to sign up for online shopping, i spent almost an hour working out how much their total shop would come to, just some in verse silly stuff, stupid puns, things don't end well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 22:18:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6677530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/followmetoyourdoom/pseuds/followmetoyourdoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Toriel busy with work, it's up to the skeleton brothers to do the weekly shopping. Frisk goes along to make sure they didn’t create too much havoc, but ends up causing just as much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shopping Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly thing I wrote to make up for all the angst I've written.

“SO WHAT IS IT THAT WE NEED?” Papyrus asked once they were in the supermarket, pushing a trolley that held not only Frisk, but also Sans, though there was no seat for him. He was just sat in the basket.

“uh…” Sans looked at the list Frisk had given him. There were various annotations in a red marker that looked suspiciously like Frisk’s handwriting while the rest was in Toriel’s careful script. “kid, why do you want mentos and coca-cola?”

“Experiment,” they said with a smile.

“uh-huh, are the sweets for an experiment too?”

“Maybe.”

Sans chuckled and passed the list up to his brother, “what do you think, bro?”

“LET’S SEE. … MILK YES WE CAN GET THAT.”

Frisk rose out of their seat, “Make sure you get-”

“YES YES, I KNOW, GREEN LID. …” Papyrus turns the list to Frisk and points to the second line. “WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO?”

“I prefer margarine.”

“but tori needs butter for her pies.”

“I prefer-”

“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, WE’LL GET THIS MARGARINE STUFF. … WHY BAGUETTES SPECIFICALLY?”

Frisk just smiled.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE PLANNING HUMAN, BUT I DON’T LIKE IT.”

“bro, we’ll just get a danish, that way they can’t loaf around.”

Giggling, Frisk high-fived Sans while Papyrus tried to hide his grin - an impossible feat.

“WELL AREN’T YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF? I DON’T KNEAD THIS.”

“that’s the spirit bro, i raised you right.”

“URGH! LET’S MOVE ON. … HUMAN…” Papyrus squinted his eyes at Frisk, “ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE ALLOWED BOTH BISCUITS AND CAKE?”

“Mmm-hum, _ginger_ biscuits and _angel_ cake.”

Sans stood up, making the trolley wobble precariously, “nah, tori wrote ‘or’,” he said, stabbing the list with a boney finger, his other hand holding onto the back of Frisk’s seat.

“Then I wrote ‘and’,” Frisk countered, sticking their tongue out.

“WE’LL HAVE TO SEE HOW MUCH THIS HUMAN MONEY CAN GET US, THOUGH I WOULD MUCH RATHER PREFER ANGEL CAKE. IT SOUNDS FASCINATING.”

“It’s heavenly.”

“YES I’M SURE IT-” Papyrus sighed as he realised what Frisk had said, opting to return to the shopping list as Sans congratulated Frisk. “CINNAMON … FLOUR THAT IS SELF RAISING … SNAILS, OH BUT IT’S CROSSED OUT. WHY CAN’T YOU BUY SNAILS AT TESCOS?”

“Don’t eat snails here. Some French people do, we don’t.”

Papyrus pondered this for a second, “SO, CAN WE GO ASK THESE FRENCH PEOPLE FOR SOME OF THEIR SNAILS?”

Frisk shook their head, “It’s a long trip. We can find snails outside.”

“why did you cross chocolate out, kid?” Sans said, having been focused on the list in Papyrus’ hand while the two discussed the snail problem

“Don’t like chocolate. Don’t want chocolate. At all.”

“hmm, okay then… but we are buyin' these vegetables and fruits you’ve crossed out. you need your greens, kid. but you can pick which ones.”

They could accept that.

“as for the mentos and coca-cola…” Sans scratched his skull, “i suppose we could do that experiment together. outside. away from the house. far away.”

“Okay.” Frisk said with a smile, wanting to do it with Sans anyway. “And sweets?” They continued hopefully.

“YOU CAN HAVE TWO SWEETS HUMAN.”

It was better than nothing.

What followed was a crazy zig-zagged path around Tescos as Papyrus tried to navigate the store and stop Sans, who had climbed out of the basket, from putting random items in the trolley. As of now there was a lone celery with a face drawn on in sharpie, a rubber duck, several copies of ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ and around eight random spice jars that none of them recognised.

“YOU DO KNOW THAT WE HAVE NO CHOICE OTHER THAN TO BUY THESE THINGS NOW?”

Frisk laughed, “No, you can take them-”

Sans elbowed the child gently, “shush, kid, don’t spoil my fun.” Seconds later he was elbowing them again but for a different reason. “what’s this stuff?” he asked, holding up a bottle of whiskey.

“Dunno. Some sort of drink?”

Papyrus took an identical bottle from the shelf to look at it more closely, “IT LOOKS VERY SUSPICIOUS, I DON’T TRUS- SANS!” The taller brother looked up just in time to see Sans adding the bottle to his basket collection, “DON’T PUT IT IN THE TROLLEY!”

“oops too late,” Sans said, dropping it in with a satisfying clang. Thankfully the bottle didn’t smash as it hit the bottom.

"SANS! WHY DO YOU WANT THAT?"

The shorter skeleton shrugged, "i dunno bro, it looks like it'll taste nice."

Papyrus shook his head, "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY TASTE BUDS."

"i don't have any taste enemies either."

This emitted a loud groan from Papyrus, though he was smiling too. Giggling, Frisk pulled on Papyrus’ hand and pointed at the price of the bottle. His eye sockets widened in shock as he read the label on the shelf, “SANS! WE CAN’T AFFORD THIS!”

“'course we can, i’ll pay for it.”

“FINE. THEN YOU CAN ALSO PAY FOR ALL THIS OTHER STUFF YOU’VE PUT IN. NYEH HEH HEH!”

For some strange reason, no more random items were placed in the trolley. Or at least, not by Sans.

“kid, what the heck?” Sans said as he caught Frisk tossing packets of lasagna from the highest shelf they could reach into the trolley when Papyrus wasn’t looking.

From their seat in the trolley, Frisk just laughed and dropped some more in. Sans managed to catch one of the packets as it fell from Frisk’s hand.

“ah kid, you’ll be the death of me,” he muttered as stretched up on his toes, trying to put the lasagna back.

Papyrus returned to Sans in mid climb, determined to return the packet to its shelf; and Frisk slowly dumping more and more packets into the trolley. The taller skeleton sighed and picked up the human in one hand, resting them on his hip, and lifted Sans up higher in the other.

“HONESTLY BROTHER, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’D DO WITHOUT ME.”

"neither do i bro," Sans said with a grin, putting the one packet back on the shelf, never mind that there were around twenty others in the basket.

Setting Sans down on the floor, Papyrus picked out a packet of the lasagna, keeping Frisk on his hip. "WHAT IS LAS-AG-NA?"

"Lasagna," Frisk corrected with a giggle, "it's a spaghetti flavoured cake."

Papyrus' face lit up, "IT IS? WOWIE! EXCELLENT CHOICE HUMAN," and with that, the remained shelved lasagna packets got tossed into the trolley.

"hey! i just put that up there." Sans protested, taking out one packet amongst the four dozen now scattered in the trolley.

"SORRY BROTHER." Papyrus said, taking the offending packet off Sans and returning it to the shelf. "THERE. BETTER?"

Sans nodded and began to climb back into the trolley, almost tipping it. "uh…"

"Looks like you're walking, Sans."

The small skeleton muttered something incomprehensible, but placed his slipper covered feet back on solid ground.

They continued their shopping trip, with Sans lagging behind, and Papyrus stopping to observe the most random items.

"SANS LOOK! AN OPTIMAL BREAD TOASTER." The taller skeleton had stopped in front of a transparent toaster. He lifted it off its shelf to investigate it further.

Frisk stared at it for a second before commenting, "It looks like toast jail..."

"it's been taken into crustody." Sans added.

Papyrus silently put the toaster back and began to march towards the checkout lines, leaving Sans almost jogging to catch up.

"hey pap, bro! wait! where're you goin'?"

"WE'RE LEAVING." Papyrus called behind him, "WE HAVE WHAT WE NEED."

"wait pap, you forgot somethin'."

Knowing he was going to regret it, Papyrus turned around to ask, "WHAT?"

Sans was already giggling, "a sense of humour."

"BROTHER REALLY, YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH MORE HUMERUS JOKES THAN THAT. NYEH HEH HEH!" And with that Papyrus flipped his scarf behind him and carried on towards the check out, pushing the food and Frisk filled trolley in front of him.

Sans stood for a moment trying to work out if that had been a pun or not before teleporting himself over to the check out.

"papyrus! what took you so long?" he asked with his signature grin when his brother got there a few seconds later.

"I WILL LEAVE YOU IN THE PASTA AISLE. DO NOT TEST ME."

Feigning shock, Sans placed a hand on his chest, "how could you forgetti a bro like that."

Frisk snickered while Papyrus simply shook his head. He couldn't be mad at Sans for spaghetti puns, even the really bad ones.

The two began taking items out of the trolley, Frisk half climbing out of their seat to reach into the basket. Sans watched silently as they and his brother slowly emptied their chosen (or not so chosen as the case may be) goods onto the conveyer belt.

"SANS, A LITTLE HELP WOULD BE SPLENDID."

With a flick of his wrist, Sans used his magic to lift up the remaining contents of the trolley and with another flick deposited them with the rest.

Squinting, Papyrus turned to his brother, "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT SOONER?"

Sans shrugged, "you didn't ask sooner."

"He has a point." Frisk muttered, trying to make order out of the mass of stuff Sans had dumped on the check out.

"NYGH," Papyrus complained, "DON'T _ENCOURAGE_ HIM."

Already having climbed back into the trolley Sans just grinned and settled back against the metal bars.

Throughout their entire conversation, the cashier was pretty much deadpan. They'd already seen far too much to be surprised by a pair of arguing skeletons and a small child. Unless said small child was climbing on top of the check out.

"Uh… Sir? Would you mind…?"

Papyrus turned to the voice and quickly apologised when he saw what Frisk was up to, "I HADN'T NOTICED, HUMAN, I AM SORRY." He swiftly returned Frisk to their seat in the trolley.

"Was just trying to sort stuff out," Frisk pouted, arms crossed.

"Do you want any bags?" the cashier said monotonously, already scanning the items.

When Papyrus, who was still fussing over Frisk, didn't reply, Sans stepped up. Or rather he motioned at the cashier from the bottom of the trolley, "uh no thanks. i got this," he then began to use his magic to pick up the now scanned items and dropped them around himself, using the Danish loaf as a pillow when it ended up in the basket.

Unperplexed, the cashier continued scanning. They didn't even blink an eye as they scanned 47 packets of Dolmio lasagne meal kits. At least there were some different flavours in there.

Frisk leant over and began trying to arrange the items in the basket on top of Sans, frowning down at him when he shuffled slightly, completely destroying the order they'd just made. It was mischievous order, but order nonetheless.

"That'll be £193.53 please."

Papyrus' jaw dropped, "ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY THREE POUNDS AND FIFTY THREE P?"

The cashier nodded, "You bought a lot of pasta," they pulled on the receipt and pointed out the price there. "See, that's £119.84 on pasta alone."

"we could leave the pasta," Sans suggested meekly, chin deep in the stuff.

Papyrus looked heartbroken, "BUT… PASTA."

It took Frisk to save the day by whipping out a very shiny looking credit card.

Sans eyed it warily, "what's that?"

"Plastic money."

The cashier sighed, "Are you going to pay for this or not?"

The three exchanged a look.

Eventually, Papyrus took the card off Frisk and presented it to the cashier. "WILL THIS BE ENOUGH, HUMAN?"

"Put your card in the machine."

It took another minute before Papyrus managed to get the card in the machine correctly. When said machine prompted for the pin, Frisk had to sharply pull Papyrus away from the machine - a difficult feat from their seat - and tapped in the correct pin code Toriel had given them in case of emergencies.

"Here's your receipt," the cashier said with relief when the whole ordeal was finally over. And just as quickly turned to serve the next customer.

The two skeletons and their human charge burst out of the shop, Papyrus pushing the trolley as he ran while Sans had already managed to fall asleep under his pile of shopping. Frisk giddily swung their legs and tilted their head backwards so they could see where they were going.

When the trio eventually got home, Papyrus' car overflowing with pasta - not for the first time - Toriel simply stood there in shock.

"My child. What happened?"

"Two skeleton brothers in Tescos." Frisk said, collecting the few items that had actually been bought for Toriel. The amount could probably fit in one bag. Two at a stretch.

As Papyrus drove off in his pasta ladened car, Sans already ahead of him on his bike, Toriel waved uncertainly while Frisk burst open a packet of marshmallows.

Toriel selected a very squashed Danish loaf from the shopping load in Frisk's arms, "How much money do they owe me?"

Frisk paused and looked up, "They could babysit me for the next 10 years and still owe you."

"Dear God," Toriel whispered. "Rye me?"

* * *

[Shopping list here btw](http://followmetoyourdoom.tumblr.com/post/141105058318/im-taking-a-break-from-writing-flowerfell-angst)


End file.
